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Funeral Planning - The Purpose of the Eulogy
from:Have you ever been to a funeral service and wondered who in the world the speaker was talking about in the eulogy? Perhaps you wondered if someone else was in the casket, because the speaker was not describing the person you knew. Or maybe the eulogy (or eulogies, if more than one person shared) was more about the speaker then the deceased. Or worse yet, the speaker had no clue who the deceased was, and just spoke about the person in generalities.
So, what is the purpose of the eulogy at a funeral or memorial service? Whether one or several give the eulogy, the end result should be the brief and honest telling of the life story of the deceased. This should include those special memories of events and the special ways the deceased was in life... things like character, interests, achievements, unique ways of saying things, and don't forget humor.
If the deceased brought laughter in their living, why not remember? Some think that it is wrong to share humor and laugh at a funeral. But, consider this... some people cannot or will not cry. Yet, they may be so full of emotion they are about to burst. Laughter can allow some of that emotional release. And of course, laughter can lift the spirit and help people remember more warmly.
These memories are the fabric of what grieving loved ones and friends can hold on to, and use to help them through the times of loneliness and loss. As they remember the good times and warm memories, they are comforted by knowing that the memories can never be taken away.
An earlier comment referred to the "honest telling" of the story. The eulogy is not the time to gloss over the persons flaws and weaknesses, and try to portray them as a saint... especially if they really were not. But, neither is it the time to hang out all the dirty laundry by telling how rotten the person was.
Remember, the eulogy should tell the story and give positive (yet honest) memories for the bereaved to hold on to. As the few and brief memories are shared, each listener will find their own special memories a well. No one is perfect. So, it is ok to admit that. But, almost everyone has some good qualities about him or her that can be shared. Those planning to share in presenting the eulogy, or memories, should find these qualities and share them.
A great way to summarize what a eulogy should communicate is in this statement about, let's say, Jill... "Jill may not have been perfect, but she was perfectly Jill."
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